Now then I realize I have no one else to turn to writing my darkest moment. No one. At all. Except for one girl who I just knew this year you know . Which touched my heart ery ery much. Even those have known for like years they just act like nothing they just think I can handle it they just don't know me well.

I am not really good at hiding my feelings . Those who know me should know that I am that type of girl that gets nervous easily at times, hard to chill down , irrational, not really good at controlling my temper. But people should have feelings. We show it out when we re sad don't we? Why should they always expect us children or teenagers to be happy all the time? Is it our fault to be feeling emotional? Is that ? I doubt that. Sometimes I just feel like nobody in this world really know me . Haih.

They never notice even if I ever tried to make an effort. I know I am not really good at making the first step, but seriously I have tried my best. Its like everytime if it relates to him, I invite them they won't be attending. But did they ever look into the matter from my perspective? They think that I changed. I know . But what I wanna say is I never did change. I am still the old me. It's just that you all become closer and I become further away abandoned by you all. I know you all surely think that you all have tried your best as well. But did you all really? Really care of presence? No. Even if I say I can't attend, you all just never bother to ask me bout it. Maybe at first it was my fault not hanging out sho much with you guys but spending most of my time with my classmates and him. But. Did I do anything wrong that I deserved to be abandoned by you all? I know you all won't feel like dumping me away. But I do. Although you all always ask me out. But seriously, do you all mean it? Hah I know you all dont . Cos I am not important anymore. Instead some of you may even dislike me. I know my presence is not that important anymore that's why I don't go out sho often anymore with you guys. Cos sometimes I feel awkward when I was with you all. I don't know why. Haih.

Sometimes you get something but you lose something at the same time.

Am I the only one feeling tired of studying? Tsktsk

是我固执了吗？

He .
Always saying that he's the one that knows me well the most.
But.
I doubt it.
He never knew that a simple thing he does will affects me sho much.
Perhaps.
Just to hang up the phone after talking to him is always the hardest thing for me.
But.
He always did that sho easily.
I know I might be stupid.
But i just don't know why it's hard for me to say goodbye to him.
Cos i never wanna stop talking to him.
I just want him to pay attention to me when we talk.
But he's always sho tired.
Sleepy.
I know I shouldn't be angry over these small matters.
But.
Becos he matters sho much in my heart,
Even these small things become important.
And he will never know just a flower 'd make me fly up in the sky.
Sometimes,
I just feel like he doesn't really know me well.
Cos.
He will never know all these little things in my heart.

x